When The Bough Breaks is a feature length documentary about postpartum depression and postpartum psychosis. PPD is not something we talk about because of its stigma. I wasn’t crying every day or having horrible thoughts. “Baby Blues” are what I was going through. While I did get into the swing of things, I had other very close friends who were telling me that they were experiencing Post Partum Depression.
Through breastfeeding challenges, a baby that would not sleep (thus Mom and Dad that didn’t sleep either) I was losing it. It took me months to come to terms with having a traumatic birth and becoming one of those healthy moms. I felt a total disconnect and has no idea why. When I did finally shuffle slowly towards the NICU and saw him, so small and helpless and covered in monitors, there was an unfathomable feeling. Getting up after essentially becoming the lady sawed in half is harder than you think, despite the copious amounts of drugs being pumped into your IV.
So much so that I was unable to turn to see my newborn son’s face for the first 24 hrs. After what seemed to be a routine surgery, as soon as my husband was about to bring our son around to show me his little face, my body had a reaction to the Pitocin and anesthesia combination and I began getting sick while trapped down and numb. As long as he’s healthy, that’s all that matters. I remember the disappointment when after 16 hrs of laboring, I wasn’t progressing with my son.